apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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