I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
