I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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