he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
