doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
