I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
