I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
