Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
