i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
