Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
