I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
