my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry about my life...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize