Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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