I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
