I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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