This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
