I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
