I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jerry, you need to find god
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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