forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
