And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
