Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You left your phone here
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