i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
