What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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