Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
