I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize