i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
