my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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