she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
