Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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