I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
