The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
