Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
