i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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