There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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