oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
