Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
