i just wanna soil my oats bro
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
