i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
