Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
