Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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