i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
