is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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