I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
