that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
