I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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