she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
