i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
