hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
