I must be too annoying 4 u.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
