omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
