Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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