go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
