well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
