he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize