meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
