So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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