For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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