I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
