It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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