Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
