Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
