I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
