Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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