..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
