we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize